i don't know were to start or were to go from here. probably its gotta do with my writer's block lasting a few months. last time i checked though iv completely lost track time and space.life doesnt seem right. what am i really doing here. is this what i envisioned myself as being 5years ago??
i am as unsure bout myself as i was back then.
i always thought i would get what i wanted.there would be no problems whatsoever. living a life in eutopia. like the movies we see.all that is good.but all we see there is the success at the end. no1 really sees the blood sweat and tears involved.the pain and anguish and frustration.the failures faced.the depression and loss of faith.
always made to believe that life is one long happy journey. but reality is far from belief.
this week has been kinda like and eye-opener of sorts.ironic though that the time i say its been an eye-opening experience i never really make a difference and work on it.just curse my fate.
im in a job im not really fond of, but have no choice.am really trying to adapt, i really am. but this is not me.this is not what i wanted.
you mite ask what is it then.why dont you work on it?why dont u follow ur dreams??u live only once.....yeah yeah iv got that b4.
and everytime i have nothing to say.
am tired of having to cover up the fact that i really havent 'done' anything that my folks or family or even my friends consider being worthwhile.
friends.
hmmmm
what friends??
i look at people around me and im burning with jealousy.
look at their friends i say...they would do anything for them...always there for each other...
the kind u know am talking about....the honest ones...not the ones who see whether ur wearing the cooler crap or whether your worth being seen with.....
were do u get that???is that available on ebay??
people never get me...
and i think they never will...
but u cant change for people now can we??
i know this whole blog looks like one big cribbing session but i just couldnt think of were else i can take it out...
thats basically the eye-opener i had this week
we are not here for our family and friends....
in the end what really matters is whether your the one who is happy
yes its very selfish!! but i'm done being the one stepped on...time to dust off the regrets and move on....its a bad world out there and ur gonna get stabbed the minute ur back is turned...
what's that phrase in hindi
"dher aye par durust aye."
u never know anythin till it hits u in the face.i wasnt hit....i was thrashed all over....
unless i get back that belief by some god-sent sign i dont think i will ever be the same again.
its time i turn my back on this road and go down another way....i hope there are no regrets....
and like i sadi b4..
the irony of it all will be after all this talking i end up reverting to the same guy who was walked over and stepped on....sigh....good night....
